I spent 37 years without knowing who I really am

I’m 37 and my whole life I thought I’m just an introverted, geeky girl, you know I like chess and all, and that’s about it… Turns out there is a lot more I didn’t know about myself. This is the story of me learning I’m autistic, and what that means looking back at my life, reflecting on and accepting my struggles and challenges, and learning to embrace who I really am. Thank you for listening to it — from the bottom of my heart, it means a lot to me

follow me on instagram ► https://www.instagram.com/annarudolf_chess
follow me on twitter ► https://www.twitter.com/anna_chess
watch my occasional live streams ► https://www.twitch.tv/anna_chess
get my chess courses ► https://www.annarudolfchess.com/
sign up for a free chess account ► https://go.chess.com/anna_chess

Edited by Tiburón: www.linkedin.com/in/botond-jozsa-55255719b

@CallMeKevin’s video about being diagnosed with ADHD: https://youtu.be/A1_daIOJteU?si=CMJeeo58PsyoX3fp

Autistic creators I recently discovered:
@MomontheSpectrum : https://www.youtube.com/@MomontheSpectrum
@autismfromtheInside : https://www.youtube.com/@autismfromtheInside
@Kaelynnism : https://www.youtube.com/@Kaelynnism

ADHD channels I watch:
@HowtoADHD : https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD
@olivialutfallah : https://www.youtube.com/@olivialutfallah

Free online autism & neurodivergence tests: https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/

00:00 My name is Anna and I’d like to tell you a story
1:37 What I thought autism was
2:06 Stigma on autism and what it feels like to learn this about myself
4:54 What does it really mean to be autistic?
5:57 How is autism different in women?
6:27 Living with anxiety
7:49 I spent my whole life masking – without knowing I’m doing it
10:00 How my brain worked: be that someone I’m expected to be
14:12 Who am I without those expectations of what I need to be?
16:33 I never accepted how I am nor recognised my struggles
17:49 Trying embrace who I really am and learn to work with my brain, not against it
18:15 Emotional regulation and my struggles with anger outbursts
20:26 Learning about my needs
21:55 I am autistic possibly with ADHD traits as well – and what is it like to learn these things later in life
23:34 Reflecting on being bullied for playing chess and not wanting to stick out
24:51 Telling stories by going into so much detail and nuances
25:46 @CallMeKevin and his ADHD journey – how it helped me too
27:10 Tips on what you can do to learn more about yourself
28:45 “But what will people think?”
29:17 How a lot of people are not diagnosed or not aware of their mental conditions (hey that was me too!)
30:51 What I wish for you and everyone watching

I spent 37 years without knowing who I really am
#AnnaChess #vlog #autism